Tag Archive for 'Horror'

Review: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

This movie was just sad, and quite possibly the worst movie Michael Bay has ever had his name attached to. Yes, okay Pearl Harbour sucked. This one just sucked out loud. Amidst corny jokes and a myriad of references to the original so blatant that it actually slowed the progression of the movie, it really wasn’t worth anyone’s time. Sure it got some screams from the ladies in the audience, but that isn’t really an accomplished feat.

What I liked:

In all honesty, the thing I liked best about this movie was that it had the new Old Spice commercial showing in advance of it appearing in TV. It literally had everyone in the theatre laughing their asses off, and considering everyone was in there to see a horror movie it was literally a seating arrangement of guy next to girl in every seat. I could have walked out at that point and it would have been the $11 well spent.

Freddy Krueger is virtually the only bad guy in mainstream horror films that either A) isn’t a vampire/werewolf/tentacle monster, or B) wasn’t once-upon-a-time a good guy. He’s the only bad guy you enjoy seeing die.

What I disliked:

Aside from a few elements that were okay, a bit more brevity in the story than the original, I disliked it all. The only way I could have had more corn and cheese in this movie would have been if I’d picked up a bag of white cheddar popcorn. The unadulterated campness was an injustice to all things good and camp. Really, I wholly disagree with the rating agencies for film, but I would fully back an organization to limit the quantity of campness that can be placed in a movie – because, “won’t somebody please think of the children!”

Overall: 5/10

I likely wouldn’t have done anything more productive with my time, but I can list a lot of things that would have been more worth my time. However, I did enjoy laughing my ass off at various parts of the movie that were clearly intended to be scary, and by the sounds of it the majority of the men in the audience we’re right there with me.

Judgement: Free on TV, anything more is an insult to the cash in your wallet.

Review: The Crazies

I went into this movie with zero preconceptions, all I knew about this movie was that it was a remake of a George A. Romero ‘not quite a zombie’ movie.

What I liked:

There was lots of great things about this movie. The cast was great, I recognized all of the main trio and most importantly they were all decent actors. The lead male Timothy Olyphant I recognized instantly from Deadwood and Hitman, and any remote horror movie fan should recognize Radha Mitchell from Silent Hill and Pitch Black.

The premise was different for a zombie movie, however while it was likely very original on the initial release it is now occasionally used. An unmarked plane crashed far upstream of the towns water supply and it was carrying a toxin (technically a toxicant as it was man made and introduced) designed to destabilise the population. What’s not explained is that the condition the toxin creates is allegedly itself infections, however this seems to get contradicted in the movie itself.

What I disliked:

The pacing in the beginning was excellent, however it began to degenerate towards the end, with the movie itself ending about 30 minutes beyond the optimal ending, for those who don’t want to know why, skip the next paragraph!

Spoilers Follow (I’ll try to keep it light): The town breaks out in full on Crazy fever and the military intervenes, sorting the healthies from the crazies and ships the healthies away, however anyone running a fever is locked up in a crazy camp. David (Timothy) the town sheriff is shipped of as healthy while his pregnant wife is locked up to be tested and his deputy is put in a holding cell. A rescue attempt saves David’s wife and they make it out of town, running into a few problems along the way, however this is where the pacing slows down. The perfect ending for this movie would have been their escape past the military lines, however it took about 30 minutes longer than this of very slow semi-action. Spoilers End.

Beyond the pacing, nothing was really bad, which is surprising. However, I must stress it, the pacing was really bad. The plot was believable, however this believability likely contributed a lot to the dead pace. They could easily have cut out a secondary character and skipped about 15 minutes, which would have helped greatly. For those who see this movie, you’ll instantly know who I mean and how easily she could have been removed (for a great increase in shock-factor).

Overall: 7/10

If a few pacing issues had been resolved, it could have been excellent, definitely a 9/10. However this would have made it a 60 minute movie, and no one would pay the exorbitant theatre price for a little over an hour of film. In the film it appears like a section is stripped from the original script, right where David turns the towns water supply off, which could have provided a good extra 20 minutes (that a certain secondary character hogged) of conflict between the Sheriff and the towns mayor and populace. In fact, it would likely have been an ideal way to display how widespread the infection has gotten in the populace, however this chance wasn’t taken.

The 60 minutes of this movie that had perfect pace, great cast and original story were gold. However, the extra 40 minutes were slow and relatively useless, especially in the present day where the ending likely didn’t have the same dramatic effect the original likely had on its release in ’73. For horror fans, it’s certainly worth a watch, and I’ll have no hesitation to rewatch it, however for the majority of people it’s likely a watch once film, so definitely not a buy.

Judgement: Rent it.

Review: Daybreakers

I went into this movie with some hesitation. Vampire movies have been hitting heights recently, and the literature market is being flooded with vampiric effluence, so it’s really only a short time before a flood of poorly made vampire movies flood the market. Having seen the trailers, I saw that clichés were abounding.

I was pleasantly surprised that I actually enjoyed this movie, here’s why:

Horror movies are inevitably funny, usually due to their low budgets and the fact they usually take themselves overly serious certainly doesn’t help. Daybreakers feels like it was doomed to this track, however the Spierig brothers appear to have realized somewhere along the way that their script for a serious vampire-sci-fi movie (yes, a very bad combination to begin with) was hilarious. All credit must go to Willem Dafoe who made this movie entertaining. He arrives roughly halfway through, and the seriousness slowly converts to humour, just in time for most of the actual action.

Surprisingly the duality in the picture works well. The seriousness in the beginning aids in making the scenes jumpy and tense, while the relaxed-humour towards the end makes the inevitable gore festival of an 18A a laugh-fest.

Here are the reasons why I didn’t like the movie:

Clichés abounded throughout, and to name a few: No reflections in mirrors, seriously? Sadly yes. Vampires set on fire in sunlight, but I’ll forgive this one as it is actually used for an interesting and unique plot point. Vampires explode when they die, but apparently not when they burn to death.

The ending isn’t a cliff hanger, it isn’t even an ending. Nothing is resolved, there’s no feel of accomplishment for watching through an epic-adventure. I suppose this is to leave it open for a sequel, however it could have been done much better. It was a very ungratifying end.

Overall: 7/10

For fans of Willem Dafoe or comedy-horrors, this movie is worth watching. For the rest of the general public, it certainly isn’t worth the ticket price in the theatres. If you like seeing things on the big screen, perhaps look to see if your local theatre has a slow-day deal, like popcorn and drink included in the ticket price as at least you’re getting a little more for your money.

This is definitely a movie to rent, it’s an enjoyable watch and doesn’t feel like you wasted an unrecoverable 98 minutes. The ending is a bit weak, but the rest of the movie is definitely strong, and doesn’t suffer from a killer slow-period in the middle, in fact the movie as a whole is very well paced.

Judgement: Rent it




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