This movie was just sad, and quite possibly the worst movie Michael Bay has ever had his name attached to. Yes, okay Pearl Harbour sucked. This one just sucked out loud. Amidst corny jokes and a myriad of references to the original so blatant that it actually slowed the progression of the movie, it really wasn’t worth anyone’s time. Sure it got some screams from the ladies in the audience, but that isn’t really an accomplished feat.
What I liked:
In all honesty, the thing I liked best about this movie was that it had the new Old Spice commercial showing in advance of it appearing in TV. It literally had everyone in the theatre laughing their asses off, and considering everyone was in there to see a horror movie it was literally a seating arrangement of guy next to girl in every seat. I could have walked out at that point and it would have been the $11 well spent.
Freddy Krueger is virtually the only bad guy in mainstream horror films that either A) isn’t a vampire/werewolf/tentacle monster, or B) wasn’t once-upon-a-time a good guy. He’s the only bad guy you enjoy seeing die.
What I disliked:
Aside from a few elements that were okay, a bit more brevity in the story than the original, I disliked it all. The only way I could have had more corn and cheese in this movie would have been if I’d picked up a bag of white cheddar popcorn. The unadulterated campness was an injustice to all things good and camp. Really, I wholly disagree with the rating agencies for film, but I would fully back an organization to limit the quantity of campness that can be placed in a movie – because, “won’t somebody please think of the children!”
Overall: 5/10
I likely wouldn’t have done anything more productive with my time, but I can list a lot of things that would have been more worth my time. However, I did enjoy laughing my ass off at various parts of the movie that were clearly intended to be scary, and by the sounds of it the majority of the men in the audience we’re right there with me.
Judgement: Free on TV, anything more is an insult to the cash in your wallet.